


get lost with me

by tobiology



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Boys In Love, Break Up, Chatting & Messaging, Coffee, Coffee Shops, Falling In Love, First Kiss, Fluff, Getting Together, Iwaizumi Hajime is a Good Friend, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Oikawa Tooru is Bad at Feelings, Oikawa Tooru is a Mess, Oikawa Tooru-centric, Oikawa Tooru/Sugawara Koushi - Freeform, Pre-Relationship, Sugawara Koushi is a Good Significant Other, Texting, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Volleyball, Volleyball Dorks in Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-17 19:29:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28605255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tobiology/pseuds/tobiology
Summary: Loving him was easy as breathing. The words that spilled out of his mouth and the affection that pooled in his eyes just happed naturally, an unexplainable pull. Tooru pushed forward, wrapping his arms around the man and kissing him. Nothing had ever felt so right as this did.Oikawa Tooru & Learning to love.
Relationships: Hanamaki Takahiro & Iwaizumi Hajime & Matsukawa Issei & Oikawa Tooru, Hanamaki Takahiro & Oikawa Tooru, Iwaizumi Hajime & Oikawa Tooru, Matsukawa Issei & Oikawa Tooru, Minor Kyoutani Kentarou/Yahaba Shigeru - Relationship, Oikawa Tooru/Sugawara Koushi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 50





	get lost with me

Love, Tooru decides, was a funny thing. Love means a lot of things, it could make a person feel and do things they never would..

Love _hurts_ _._

Love takes and takes and it keeps taking until you have no more to give.

At twelve, Tooru had decided he never wanted to be in love. The uncertainty and pure trust that came with love was something he never wanted to experience. His sister was a good example for that. She'd loved her boyfriend more than anything, willing to go above and beyond just to please him, and soon enough she was an entirely new person, no traces of the sister that helped raise him were visible.

He’d hated how love changed people, how it broke apart people. Once his sister got married...his father refused to let her in their home anymore, claiming he didn't want anything to do with someone that had forgotten their family just to please a man. It drove their entrire family apart and Tooru didn't see his sister for years until she showed up at their door-step with a small child, in tears, a few years ago.

So, he decided that love, just wasn't for him. When he told his mother, she frowned lightly and narrowed her eyes at him. He doubted she’d understand what he meant but talking about it felt nice.

”I’m sure you’re just thinking like that now Tooru, once you find your special person. You’ll change your opinion”

Tooru likes to think his mother was wrong, but even he knew that there was always a possibility that he might meet someone that flipped his world around.

x - x

He's fifteen when he first thinks he's in love. It's a girl, the pretty one from Kuroba-sensei's class, she's nice, Tooru thinks.

He tells Iwaizumi, the brunnette just chuckles softly and congratulates him, asking how he's going to ask her out. Tooru doesn't know much about things like these, he's half-tempted to forget about this silly crush all-together. He goes to his mother a few days later, waiting till she's in a good mood and asks her the question.

"I think I like someone"

Tooru never thought he'd say that about someone, but, he guesses, it was expected, wasn't it? 

His mother ruffles his hair and chuckles fondly, asking him who the special person is. She tell's him the best way to girl's heart is through affection. _Affection?_ That was a topic Tooru didn't quite understand yet. Before Tooru can ask for clarifications, his mother is already out the door and running to catch the train.

He spends another few weeks wallowing in despair and confusion.

A few days later, someone slips up about Tooru's affections towards the girl. He doesn't understand why his senpai's are laughing or why the others seem so used to this. He doesn't understand when Hanamaki and Matsukawa decide that they want to get involved, he hates how they start constantly pushing hints at Tooru and the girl, saying they'd be good together.

Tooru ignores the weird clenching in his heart that screams and cries loudly as he rings the bell to the girl's house with a bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates in hand. 

She says yes and Tooru wishes she hadn't

They go on ample of dates, exploring the city together. Soon enough, they're an official couple, the entire school knows about them and cheers them on. Tooru bathed in the attention he received from then, craving affectionate words from anyone willing.

For their first anniversary, Tooru takes her out to dinner at a fancy restaurant overlooking the city lights. The stars shone brightly in the night sky that day, staring down at him as if they're proud of him. She's as nice and as beautiful as ever when they finish their dinner, humming softly while holding Tooru's hand as they walk down the boardwalk over looking the water.

She tells him she loves him, and she waits for an answer. Tooru thinks, he thinks for a while, standing their frozen as he contemplates what to say. He assumes he was frozen up for a while, so she prods again.

"Are you happy with me Tooru-kun?"

Sure, he's happy, but love was a strong word.

Tooru wishes more than anything to calm the emotional girl, hold her close and repeatedly whisper declarations of admiration and adoration.

But he can't, the nasty feeling that's brewing inside him won't let him. So he just smiles and pulls her for a hug. "Of course, I'm happy" It's not a lie, but it's not the full truth either and guilt starts eating away at his heart.

So he does what he always when life get's too confusing. He throws himself into volleyball, he starts practicing every day and night, sneaking into gyms or playing in abandoned parks. His senpai's have to yell at him to leave practice. Iwa-chan has kicked him on more than one occasion to get out of the gym.

But Tooru can't stop, so when the tournaments start, his fever only increases. He plays and plays until he knees buckle and he collapses to the gym floor, he doesn't listen when the doctor advises him to rest, he ignores his teammates pleas as they ask him to take a break. 

_'It's just a sport_ _Oikawa-kun..'_

It's _not_. They don't get it. _No one_ get's it.

 _She_ breaks up with him after a few weeks. She called him 2 days before inter high, it was midnight and she was crying, asking him to come to park that they would always meet up. When he get's there she's sitting on the bench, tears flowing freely as she clutches a box close next to her.

Tooru doesn't cry when he realizes what's happening, he doesn't cry when she holds his face in her hands and whispers the hurtful words, its not until he get's home that night and there's no one else in the house that he finally lets his feelings loose.

He doesn't understand why he's crying, or why it hurts so much. He knows now that he never did really love her and it was better to break up than to stay in a relationship like that but he can't help the sound of his heart cracking.

The first thing he does is call Iwaizumi, he rings his best friends phone at god-knows-what time of the night.

"She's _gone_ Iwa-chan.. She _left_ me—" He whispers through tears, hoping his broken words are enough to get the point across. He can hear the concern in Iwaizumi's voice as he replies. "Hey, hey.. listen to me.. Some things are just meant to happen okay?"

"People that don't stay forever never deserved to be around in the first place." Tooru doesn't know why but those words stick with him.

The break-up is all the school talks about, rumours and whispers flying around like nobody's business. 

_'I'm pretty sure Oikawa cheated on her! You know how he flirts with his fan-club.'_

_'Maybe he was just too annoying for her to deal with..'_

_'I don't why they dated in the first place.'_

Suddenly everyone's conjured up this image of him; a playboy, a cheater, a _liar_. His teammates start staring at him warily, he prays to whatever deity there are, thankful for the 3 people that didnt change.

Tooru doesn't know what he'd do without Hanamaki, Matsukawa and Iwaizumi.

The three show up to Tooru's house the next day, buckets of ice cream and an array of blankets, wearing the brightest smiles as they grin at Tooru and let themselves inside of Tooru's house.

They sit Tooru down on his couch as they make themselves at home, dancing around the room, grabbing things to get comfortable right next to Tooru on the couch and he can't help but tear up at how much his friends mean to them.

Iwaizumi comes back down from his room, Tooru's stuffed bear from when they were younger in his hands as he settles next to Hanamaki. He hands it over to Tooru, smiling softly at him and Tooru thinks —Maybe _this_ is love.— Sure it's not romantic but maybe —just maybe— his friends would be enough, it's not like anything else mattered much to him anyways.

So he turns leans towards Matsukawa and laughs along with the rest of them as the scene plays along on the tv. Yeah there are tears in his eyes and his heart is still broken but these little moments are enough to cover up the pain.

x - x

Tooru doesn't date again.

He adopts the personalities others have built for him and uses it as a wall to guard his heart. He buries his real personality deep and covers it up with fake smiles and flirtatious words. 

The only ones that have seen past that well-built exterior are his 3 friends. They're all 2nd years now, its around the same time it was the year before when _she_ broke up with him. And like tradition those three show up at his house again after school with food, blankets and movies.

They smile at him like nothings wrong and Tooru hates that his heart doesn't mend despite all their tries.

His new kouhai are nice he thinks. The most promising would've had to be Kyoutani Kentarou, Yahaba Shigeru and Watari Shinji. He could already tell that Yahaba-kun and Kyouken-chan were going to be dancing around each other (You'd have to be blind not to notice.)

He expected himself to feel sick and hurt at the implication but he found himself smiling alongside the team as Yahaba chased Kyoutani around the gym with a volleyball in hand. 

He comforts Yahaba quietly when the boy comes to practice with teary eyes one day and announces that Kyoutani won't be coming back. 

"Wh- Why'd he have to leave Oikawa-san?" The caramel-haired boy asks through teary eyes.

Tooru frowns at him, dropping a concern filled gaze onto the younger boy. "Some people are just mean to leave Yahaba-chan, you can't make them stay.." He forces out, reminding him all too much of the words of concern Iwaizumi had fed him the night when _she_ broke up with him.

_"People that don't stay forever never deserved to be around in the first place."_

He hates that she can still hurt him like this. 

"D'You think he'll come back..?" Yahaba asks with such hopeful eyes that Tooru can't help but nod along, fake promises slipping out of his mouth. He'll hate himself more when it's time for him to leave and Kyoutani still hasn't come and Yahaba turns to him with betrayal.

In the present, his underclassman looks at him like he hangs the stars in the sky, agreeing to his every word and Tooru revels in it. Soaking in the attention.

x - x

The inter highs were brutal, the spring tournament much worse. They barely managed to scrap by a position in the top 4, loosing horrifically to _Shiratorizawa_. It seems to hurt more when he see's _her_ walking up to one of the third years in Shiratorizawa and kissing him a congratulations.

He doesn't think its the break-up that hurts anymore, it's the fact that he was replaced with someone no better than him that stings worse.

Kyoutani still hasn't come back and Tooru can see the faded light in Yahaba's eyes, Tooru squeezes his eyes shut and turns away, focusing back at his fan-club.

x - x

They're 3rd years when Tooru see's _him_. The wisps of silver hair and doe-like eyes that Tooru feels like you could melt in. Tooru doesn't know his name, but he sits on the others team's bench, looking all pretty and innocent, it makes Tooru want to scream _—Don't look so vulnerable, it'll hurt you more—_ He tries his best to focus his attention onto his former underclassman, but even then his thoughts drift back to silver-haired enigma that sits so close yet so far away.

He can feel his annoyance growing when he sees Tobio cheer up the short red-haired middle blocker with such affection that that it makes him sick. He considers asking Tobio for the mysterious boy's name —maybe even a number— but his pride gets the better of him and sneers at the team instead. 

It's not until the inter high that he learns his name —Sugawara Koushi— He can't help the smug pride that fills him up when he wins against Karasuno. 

To this day, Tooru doesn't know why he did what he did. But he crowds the silver-haired boy in the bathroom and asks something he never imagined himself saying again. "Can I?" He doesn't know why the broken pieces he calls a heart pick themselves up when Sugawara nods. And he doesn't know why he's here in a bathroom kissing him.

He doesn't why his heart _soars._ Because _fuck, he's only known this guy one day_. He doesn't understand why his every nerve fries open yet he's calmer than he's ever been as he wraps his around the shorter boy. 

And as Sugawara's arm slowly hook themselves around Tooru's neck, his mind suddenly fogs up and he can't think straight anymore. He can't — _won't—_ be hurt again, he pulls away from the silver-haired boy, purposefully looking away from the hurtful look that crosses his face because it's starts reminding him all too much of that girl all those years ago when he was just a first year and she called him at midnight crying.

He steps backwards and walks away.

Tooru ignores the curious looks Iwaizumi sends him when he boards the bus 10 minutes later than everyone else. He tries not to scowl when Hanamaki and Matsukawa start talking about Karasuno and how bad they were. He laughs with so much fake-ness when Yahaba asks if he's okay and he brushes it off saying he's fine. 

_He's not the one that's hurt this time. Why are they asking if he's okay._

Tooru knows that after what happened, Sugawara would never want to see him or do anything with him and _damn if that doesn't sting_. He wishes he never crowded Sugawara in that bathroom, he wishes he never wrapped his around the boy and kissed him. 

He knew he couldn't stay yet he pushed onto the boy and then left him alone.

It's not until late into the summer that he meets Sugawara again. It's been 2 months since he saw the boy yet he looks as captivating as he had when they first met all those months ago. 

He knows Sugawara notices him, he knows Sugawara can tell how badly he wants to say something but his words get caught up in his throat and suddenly he's breathless all over again.

They're at a coffee shop and Tooru has never been more glad to be sitting alone and far away from Sugawara. He holds his breath when Sugawara gets up and starts walking in the direction of his table and lets it out when he realizes the boy was going to the register and not to him.

He hates the wave of relief that washes over him as the silver-haired boy exits the coffee ship.

"Sir, a Caffè Mocha, extra mocha drizzle and whipped cream" Tooru frowns as the waiter walks up to him with a coffee in hand that he didn't order. "I didn't order that."

He feels like a dumb toddler that's being explained not to do something when the waiter heaves a sigh and sets the coffee on the table along with an envelope.

"I know sir, this was ordered for you by a silver-haired gentleman called Sugawara." He slides the envelope closer to Tooru. "He left this note for you as well."

He can feel his hear squeezing tightly as the waiter walks away. He eyes the note warily, as if Sugawara's going to pop out of it and confront him for leaving him.

Tooru doesn't open the note till he's in the safety of his own bedroom, late at night and hiding under the covers. He hesitantly opens the letter and hates the smile that spreads on his face when he see's the doodles Sugawara's made all over the page.

> _Oikawa-kun_
> 
> _I'm sorry if I did something to offend you that day in the bathroom._
> 
> _I can't explain it but I can't help but be pulled to you, you're like sun and i'm the earth that's orbiting you._
> 
> _If you'd like to talk more, i'd be overjoyed._
> 
> _+81 (2XX) XXX-XXXX_
> 
> ~~~~_love,  
>    
>  _ _yours truly,_  
>  _sugawara koushi (you can call me suga)_

His mouth goes dry and his eyes widen comically when he realizes that Sugwara — _Suga—_ is willing to talk to him again. He doesn't know why suddenly his heart doesn't hurt so bad anymore or why breathing becomes a little easier as he creates a contact to save Suga's number.

 **YOU [7:38PM]  
**Hey

 **YOU [7:38PM]  
**This is Oikawa..

 **SUGA [7:38PM]  
**oh! hello!!

 **SUGA [7:38PM]  
**i hope you liked the coffee i picked out

 **YOU [7:38PM]  
**I did, it was really nice.

 **YOU [7:39PM]  
**Listen, could we meet?

 **YOU [7:39PM]  
**Like, Right now?

 **YOU [7:40PM]  
**ofc!

Tooru sucked in a breath as he walked towards the park they'd agreed to meet at. His hesitations screaming at him to turn around and go back —but he couldn't— he promised himself he'd do this. He _had_ to.

He could feel his lips curl slightly when he Suga sitting on the park in bench in all his angelic glory. His silver hair covered in a black winter hat and a simple sweater covering his short frame.

"Hey.." Tooru whispered quietly as he sat down next to the boy, wincing slightly when he heard Suga's bubbly voice flow out. "Hey! What.. What did you want to talk about?" 

Tooru took in a deep breath, last minute reservations flashing through his mind. "I like you." He said it with such confidence that Tooru couldn't believe it was him speaking. "I really _really_ like you." 

Suga tried to say something but was cut off before he could get anything out.

"But.. I- I don't know _how_ to like someone, I don't understand it, I don't I ever understood it until I met you —as cheesy as that sounds— I'm scared i'm going to hurt you and then i'm going to alone all over again"

The words started to flow easier, the sound of Suga's breathing washed over him like a wave of calmness. "I'm not good at —well— _this_. Making someone _else_ happy. I rile up people until they want nothing to do with me and I prance around like a _goddamn_ stuck up obnoxious asshole. But.. I want to try, for you, for us, for whatever this is that I started."

Getting those words out cleared the fog in his mind, it wasn't just the confession or the overlying guilt of leaving the boy in the bathroom that left him. But the years of pent up frustration and self-doubt. 

It scared Tooru, how fast Suga had torn down his walls without knowing they were there. It had taken long weeks for Tooru to carefully build that wall up, piece by piece, to put up the perfect persona for everyone to see.

And Suga had bulldozed straight into his life, without a care for the world.

In all the months Tooru had been enamoured by the silver-haired boy, he had never found it _difficult_. 

"So.. What d'ya say? Will you have me?" 

Suga smiled at him with so much affection that Tooru felt like he was drowning in them. "Of course I will, I'm here aren't I?"

"Flaws and all?"

Suga cupped his face in one hand and leaned close. "Flaws and all."

Loving him was easy as breathing.

The words that spilled out of his mouth and the affection that pooled in his eyes just happed naturally, an unexplainable pull.

Tooru pushed forward, wrapping his arms around the man and kissing him.

Nothing had ever felt so right as this did.

**Author's Note:**

> beta read by [kusuos](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kusuos/pseuds/kusuos)
> 
> so this has been sitting in my drafts for like . a month now??  
>  this is vv self-indulgent and i really wanted to write an oikawa-centric story?? 
> 
> i hope u all like it !!
> 
> leave a kudos and comment! i love hearing ur thoughts !! (i have a kyouhaba side-story for this in my drafts)


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